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User blog:SensibleCenobite/Clown Hell: A generic role playing session.
@page { margin: 0.79in } p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120% } WARNING: Suitable for all Sires and Neonates. Probably not suitable for most Fledglings. I got the green light from Clan Tynker Circus to make the post. Rebekah, AKA Whippo the Clown, thinks it's as scary as it gets. I assure all the creatures of the night out there, that there is NOTHING scarier than a clown. Rebekah would know. I would rather get raped publicly on Broadway by a pack of Antediluvians, than to see the horror that is an evil desert ninja spider clown’s heart. You have all been warned. MONITOR YOUR FLEDGLINGS. WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! WARNING: THIS IS FOR STORYTELLERS ONLY!!! THEY’LL KNOW IF YOU PEAKED. IF YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, LET ME REMIND YOU OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOME ONE RATS ON THE COTERIE. CLAN BRUJAH SAYS: “'YOU’LL BE SWIMMING WITH THE FISHES SEA. YOU'VE BEEN KICKED OUT TO HAWAII. HAVE FUN!”' Sensible Cenobite, Giggles McFarnsworth, the Changeling'' Community, the' Magenta Mage Coven'', ''Clan Brujah', and '''Clan' Tynker Circus Present: A Trip to Clown Hell: Generic one off campaign session. Use on Players that can’t take a session seriously and keep making you laugh. She be played like a grind house movie for best results. Arghhh! Main Protagonists: Make your own Character(s) from any game system. Obstacle to enter Hell: The Coterie is summoned to clown Hell by going on a "historical clown archaeology ride". As you descend deeper you will see ancient clown hieroglyphs drawn in childish Crayola crayon showing crying kids being entertained by a clown. Old balloon animals made from intestines and other body parts. Portraits of old serial killer clowns of note that will pop out and try to attack the Coterie. ''' For the grand finale, a baby urine and whip cream pie to the face as the massive gates to clown '''Hell open. Give the Characters one, maybe two completely over sized clown tokens for each obstacle completed including the ride into Hell. Characters will need a certain number of tokens earned from completing the obstacles below to get into the Funny Farm and into the Riddle Room at the end of the session. Obstacle for tokens: It's an awful place. Everyone there seems happy, but they are not. Their smiles are forced and with a good enough perception check let the Characters know. If the Coterie '''can make the '''Storyteller '''laugh talking to '''NPCs, then give them one token max. Obstacle for tokens: There are used condoms and needles on the beech. Flying clown dolphins patrol the water. Make Characters do searches for tokens and on failure they get hit with a random needle or attacked by a dolphin pod. Obstacle for tokens: All the soda is flat and filled to the rim with ice and salt. The popcorn explodes rainbow paint out of your mouth. Oh look, there's a coin at the bottom! Obstacle for tokens: Every clown on patrol is armed with a boxing glove canon that punches you in the crotch for knockout damage. Anyone that passes out after an attack, wakes up on a ride strapped down and ball gagged. Each clown has one coin on them. Obstacle for tokens: The rides are broken, faulty, or cursed. All the change falls out of your pockets, you will get injured during the ride, or you will get you so addicted you must keep going until you make a successful Will check or something similar. After a ride or a set of them is complete, a token is shot comically into their mouth(s). Obstacle for tokens: Instead of a net in the bouncing castle, the Characters get trapped in cotton candy webs. The ONLY solution is to eat your way through. Once the door to this bouncing castle is open, each'' Character will have a coin shoved down their pants as they walk out. '''Obstacle for tokens:' Ring Master the Illusionist : Summons an undead elephant to attack the Coterie. If they defeat it too easily, an illusion of the first is summoned at half hit points and deals a little extra damage. Give each Character two coins for this one in an explosion of confetti, sour milk, and elephant dung. Obstacle for tokens: Get picked to be apart of the Tourney. A classical Tourney is a five on five person contest in full armor with dull swords. Of course since we're in clown Hell, it will be a pie throwing contest. Each pie is filled with napalm and set on fire mid course to the unsuspecting victims face. If the Coterie wins the Tourney, give them each two tokens. Obstacle for tokens: The richest Player in the Coterie is targeted by a pack of Hell's '''carnies to be insulted for no less than twenty dollars or gold pieces. This attack does psychic damage, but if the '''Player '''laughs, then give them a token. If the '''Coterie laughs, but the targeted Player doesn't, then take one token away from every Character in the Coterie. If everyone including the targted Player laughs, then they all get two tokens. Obstacle for tokens: Sucked into a video game. Yes, the Character '''and or the whole Coterie gets sucked into a fighting game or racing game with crash damage. The game must be played out in game terms to the best of the '''Coterie's '''ability. If they lose, they come out of the session with half hit points. They can never be dropped below zero. If they win, they get one token for participating directly. '''Last Obstacle to be opened with tokens: There is a door shaped like a Javelina clown head leading to the Funny Farm. There is a slot to fit the clown tokens, but be sure to mess with the Coterie. Coins shoot back out and aim for their crotch. A coin might get temporarily jammed know jelly. It might set an alarm off and summon a clown squad with their boxing gloves. Who knows… Storytellers should be laughing maniacally. Location: Funny Farm: Main location and antagonist to get the key to the Riddle Room: Giggles McFarnsworth : Desert Ninja Spider Clown of the Smoke Circle Bong Only weakness. Needs your laughter. If the Players laugh at Giggles McFarnsworth’s jokes, then he gets more powerful. Players can still beat Giggles McFarnsworth if the they make him laugh, but it will be much harder. He’ll be bouncing around the room laughing while taking damage casting illusions and ninja magic. He's an evil desert ninja spider clown. Location: Riddle Room: To finally leave Hell, the Players must answer one final riddle into a loud speaker. When the Coterie finally answers the riddle correctly, everyone in Hell '''starts laughing hysterically in unison. They all point at the '''Coterie directly and mouth the words YOU! Q: "Why didn't the zombie eat the desert ninja spider clown?" Both are acceptable answers. The bottom one is what my nine year old nephew replied. It wasn’t the answer, but it was funny! A: 1) It tasted funny. A: 2) It's a clown. I hope everyone enjoys their trip to CLOWN HELL! Hire Giggles The Scary Clown in real life to scare the living crap out of the Coterie during the session. Have a third party turn off the lights and walk around the house in a Jason mask or something. Make sure to get carnival music going in the back ground for ambiance. Maybe mix in some goth, industrial, or experimental to the mix, Sensible Cenobite SensibleCenobite (talk) 18:06, February 18, 2019 (UTC)SensibleCenobiteSensibleCenobite (talk) 18:06, February 18, 2019 (UTC) I of course toned it down for the kids, but they past with flying colors! If my nine, seven, and four year old niece and nephews can do it, so can you! SensibleCenobite (talk) 18:32, February 18, 2019 (UTC)SensibleCenobiteSensibleCenobite (talk) 18:32, February 18, 2019 (UTC) I switched a few of the obstacles around and fixed some typos. Added an EXTRA WARNING to non Storytellers. SensibleCenobite (talk) 21:06, February 18, 2019 (UTC)SensibleCenobiteSensibleCenobite (talk) 21:06, February 18, 2019 (UTC) Fixed up more errors. Cleaned up the credits. Added two more obstacles for tokens. You deserve it! SensibleCenobite (talk) 09:27, February 19, 2019 (UTC)SensibleCenobiteSensibleCenobite (talk) 09:27, February 19, 2019 (UTC) Sleep is amazing. Cleaned up a lot of errors. Wanted to repost. Heart shaped dish coming soon! Category:Blog posts